my biggest regret

From stomach butterflies and warm summer evenings

body heat dripping sweat of lust and infatuation, excitement of a sexual connection
to winter dark skies and cold sleepless nights
memories of you grow deeper in the midnight hour
and as I suffocate myself under thick blankets
crying is the only temporary relief
you are my biggest regret
I’ve become scared of me
I’ve become impatient
my bitter heart is in the way of my sanity
stopping at dead end loves n one way affections is going to be the death of me
and missing connections
But I connected with you
though short lived I shared with you
I cared for you

I have one question for you…

How do you move on?

(2014, Shani)

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Rose colored glasses

Separate her body from reality 

In this dimly lit room
She’ll drink your wine 
And let her mind die
While her heart swells inside
You could do no harm 
Through these rose colored glasses 
Your warm hues intice her like pheromones 
You’re magic through smoke screens
surreal like a dream 
A mere pixilation of the perfect fantasy 
She said you could do no harm 
Like a mantra in her head 
You could do no harm 
You could do no har
You could do no ha
You could do no h
You could do no
You could do n 
You could do…
5 years it took 
Enough to shatter them rose colored glasses 
will take a life time to fix
Like a 50 year old fiend
Weakened by the memory of…
 (2015, Shani)

Changes Remain

Time flies and as you experienced every emotion imaginable, he’s engraved in your head

everyday of the week
every scenario
you could see him looking deep into you when you close your eyes and it almost makes you feel half crazy half disappointed because you know
everyone knows you could do better
You force fed the thought that it will never work between you and him
and in time the feelings became diluted to the point where you could look him dead in his eyes and not even feel a flutter deep in your gut as you used to
yet you still think of him
any day of the week
night or day
with no feelings attached, its like he’s here to stay
bitter,
indignant,
upset,
sorrowful,
lighthearted,
tranquil,
passionate,
and more of which as it seems he’d be there to stay
yet still at the end of it all
it’s not your turn to take the fall so remain where you’re at
mindful of what remains never be willing to make the change

Vent 001

I wish I never knew him.

Clouding my vision
Wondering if Ill ever reach clarity
From these feelings I loathe inside of me
Some days are easier than others
Fridays are the hardest
Impatiently waiting for someone to steal his spot
Someone who looks better and treats me right
As if I hate him for existing
I hate me for allowing him to exist
Unsure of what has taken over me
When I see her pretty little face down the hallway
I give her a deep stare knowing what she’s done
Jealousy bubbles up inside me

Definition

Pretty, ugly.

Categorically defined by beauty
From the masses of nobody’s who can’t seem to even grasp the true concept of what beauty is
My beauty isn’t confined within the lines
My beauty runs free from the lies
Recognize this pretty, ugly
For it is the true beauty that the masses fail recognize
It is the truth in which I console deep within me
The beauty is in my energy that electrifies through my veins and released to those who know
Those who are open to me and accept this
Rare undefined beauty…
Shani Davis.

Men and Their Expectations

Let me show you how real I am 
Let me reveal to you the insecurities in which I dwell deep in
Let me prove to you that my true self is still beautiful
Without out the makeup, the fake hair, the fancy clothes
Let me make you smile with my laughter
Let me make you warm with my touch
Let me prove to you there’s still good in this world
Only if you accept me for who I am
Let me help you believe in yourself
Only if you lift me up from the insecurities in which I dwell deep in
Let me love you unconditionally
Only if you love me unconditionally.
Shani Davis

Sex Has Ruined My Life

Nude pics

Dirty flicks
Infatuation

Second nature

Caught up in the now hoping for forever lasting moments
But i should have took a picture
Love is meant to be broken
Fill the void fill the void
You’re meant to be broken
Kill the noise in your head
As i lie in their bed comforted by lies
Their lying eyes distance them self from mine
Cold eyes in contrast from their hot body
Dripping cool sweat in the pores of my skin
Drowning in their lies
I’m drowning.