black love, dating and love, dating and relationships, falling in love, finding love blog, love blog, online dating

I found love on POF (late post)

 

POF, which is plenty of fish for those who aren’t on the online dating craze, is one interesting ass website, I mean I’ve seen all types of people on there from men in prison to “pastors” looking for their first lady. I never thought I’d find the love of my life, and the sad part is that I haven’t even met him yet. I don’t love openly and I’m very hardened based on my judgments of men. I guess you can say I’m a sexist; every man in my life and my friend’s and family’s lives have done nothing but hurt. Growing up seeing not one single positive image of a man, I personally feel no remorse for the way I feel. So on my profile I make it very clear what I want which came out to be 3 long paragraphs but it’s really helped to weave out the fuck boys. I think I found the one and its about to get real corny… There he was virtually, in my message box with his attractive ass. He looked so masculine and not in a look at me I got muscles. It was his eyes, light brown and full of real man qualities. I seen it all with him, and from that point on nobody else on POF mattered. I didn’t know what I was feeling and tried to make sense of it while we messaged back n forth. I kept going to his profile page to look for an answer as to why I was so drawn to him. But there was nothing that he wrote that stood out to me and he only had two pics, his profile and a pic of him in a military uniform.

I saw his location was in southern california and since I’m in northern california I was bummed thinking nothing will become of us but he continued to talk to me. I’m thinking to myself, okay there must be nobody in his area because I’m 8 hours away. After a couple of days he asked for my number and of course I say no just to see his reaction and he was okay with it and we continued the conversation. He just seem so cool about it and they fact that he continued to want to get to know me was enough for me to get his number to text him. From the day I gave him my number I felt even more confused about the way I feel to the point where I was so lost in my thoughts I’d almost forget I was in the shower, or even at work. I remember telling my girl how intense its getting and so quickly, I didnt understand the feelings I felt at all. I’ve never talked to someone who’ve I had strong feelings for like this, so I was feeling a little overwhelmed.

Then we skyped one night and I looked in his eyes and I felt this gravitational pull on my insides and my whole body so strong I had to pull away and I was afraid to give him eye contact the rest of the night. It was our chemistry. We made each other laugh and my attraction to him made my heart and my vagina thump but doubt kept coming through like a dark cloud raining on my whole damn life. Doubt is an amazing thing, or even lack of confidence. The fact that this guy, who is in the military with other females and stationed in sunny southern california where the girls are fine as hell, wants to talk to me and give me all his time, I can still search in the dark corners of my mind for the negative shit to bring me down and even mess up a possibility of a relationship with this amazing man. I’ve only talked to this man for a month and the words he says to me are everything I’ve wanted to hear and he backs it up with humility, which is a rare quality.

One night we were on skype and we had this real dramatic and overly romantic almost movie like conversation which resulted us in ending with I love you. I never loved anyone in the beginning of a relationship, ever. I always grown to love and for that it never really worked out. So when it came down to it, I felt the emotion burning inside my chest but I couldn’t say it at first. I wanted to say it the first week I talked to him over the phone. He said it first and explained why he loved me which made me collapse on my bed 10 million times. I never knew that love can love can literally make you weak. My heart melted as he told me he knew when he seen my eyes and being able to tell him I felt the same was the most amazing feeling I’ve had in a while. I felt as if the way I felt from that day wasn’t fake or ridiculous, that corny ass love at first sight was real for me even over the internet. I wanted to say I love you but I couldn’t, I could say that I liked him with ease or I’m into him but the word love was a hard thing to crack. The reassuring thing was that he understood. He understood why I was stuck and he assured me that he would do anything it takes to prove to me that I could trust him and that he wouldn’t hurt me and I believed him. His tone was eager yet warm and it made me cry. After all this time I finally got to experience what love should be. I’ve never even witnessed dedication from a man, someone who is willing to do what it takes to have me. Once the tears ran out I told him I loved him and the weight and confusion lifted off of my body and soul. Hearing him say I love you sends shockwaves of pleasure through my body; seeing his smile makes my body melt to the ground. I told him how amazing he is and he even turned that down. His humility is rare, I see him being an amazing father. He’s ready to get married and have kids, but I’m no dummy. He is not my boyfriend until I meet him which will be on the 3rd of next month. I want to be able to feel him and really see him in front of me because I’m all about body language and vibes but he’s definitely the guy I’d want to be with in the future.

-(I’ve been MIA trying to figure out the direction of this blog and I realized I’m way more comfortable writing about my journey to find love, although this is a blog where i’ll write or post whatever I want; I’m sticking to what I’m most compelled by)

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attraction, being single, Brain On Relationships, dating, finding love, growth, happiness, love, online dating, personal, relationships, thoughts

Mr. Washington

There’s a pattern in my life with men; once there’s a new guy in the picture the last one is dead. No disrespect though, I’m just monogamous by nature. So new guy in the picture is Denzel, at first, I didn’t believe it but yes his name is Denzel and he is a panty dropper! Just imagine a 6″1 quarterback build football player with locs to his shoulders, full pink lips and smooth deep brown skin. He’s the ultimate sports and fitness man; he’s actually going to help me reach my fitness goals this fall. I haven’t met him yet but I’ve been talking to him every day, anticipating for him to turn me off but I must say I’m pretty impressed with myself for snagging such a catch on the infamous Plenty of Fish dating site. He’s surprisingly really sweet and texts me good morning every morning, and his words are always heart warming. Sometimes I feel it’s a little too nice, for instance he’ll say “sorry, I call you back yesterday, I was busy” and I eventually had to tell him that he doesn’t have to apologize every time he doesn’t get back to me, “I know you’ll make time for me when you have the opportunity”. He understood but I then realized that that could actually be his nature to apologize for doing something he said he would do. Then my insides fluttered uncontrollably…

Hearing him say those words to describe me so positively almost feels foreign to me, sometimes I giggle and my eyebrows furrow not knowing what to say. I’m just not used to that type of affection but he’s a Denzel for sure, a real catch…so far. I hate to be pessimistic but I’m expecting him to be something that I’ll one day despise. I expect him to grow tired, or used to and show his true character. Maybe he’s going to be clingy, maybe he gets jealous easily, maybe he’s a sweet talker and does the same to a bunch of other women; the possibilities go on forever in my head. But the main one that sticks out is the fact that he could be gay (or just bi). I hate myself for conjuring up such a thing in my mind as if only the respectable, sweet men of the world just so happen to be gay. From my personal experiences, I’ve dated a man who was gay (but not out the closet) and he was the most respectful guy I’ve ever dated. All in all, I don’t have high hopes for anyone I’m interested in. My expectations shrunk so small for men when they screw up or disappoint, I feel no sense of loss and I’m not afraid of love, there’s just no sense to love because I feel like that part of me is on hold. But if there is a possibility him and I get serious I have a plan that I’m going to stick with, and it’s very simple

         Don’t have sex with him for 90 days

I know it’ll be difficult but if I want to ensure my time won’t be wasted, I have to follow through as long with my rule that I broke a while back and that is to never go to a guys house especially at
night. I will not break these two rules. Another set of rules that I’ve added t(thanks to this book I read called Fly Betty by Treasure Blue) is the following…

“1. Never love a man who doesn’t love you back

2. Never give a man who won’t give back

3. Never try to keep a man who doesn’t want to stay

4. Never cry over a man who wont cry over you

5. Every man got to know from the very beginning if they should ever disrespect or violate you for any reason they must know you would not hesitate to leave without looking back”

Whatever the outcome, I’m going to enjoy the now because it’s too sweet to rush into things. Right now, it feels good to be respected and adored truly.

– I think he might be the one who brings me flowers…

I will be starting a series of book reviews based on love starting in September! Nothing is better than a book that inspires!

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Brain On Relationships, dating, dating apps, hookups, online dating, tinder, tinder review

Tinder – Online Dating? Or Hookup

If you haven’t heard of Tinder it’s a straight forward dating app where you can meet people in your area. You don’t have to write a 50 word about me or explain your work/life status.
All you do is swipe left for nope, swipe right for liked and if the feeling is mutual you get to chat with them. The best part is that it’s 100% free.

Aside from the great features, I’ve been using Tinder for a month now and I’ve come to a few conclusions.

1. Guys (and girls) are on there for an easy hookup or are bored.
2. Guys who aren’t patient with you are the jerks you want to stay away from.
3. Online dating is not for those who are looking for something steady unless you’re spending $100 dollars for a subscription on e-harmony. (Which ultimately is a waste of time and money because you’ve never found your match)

Finding love on a dating site is officially an urban myth for me because I believe that a lot of us hope to meet that special guy or girl the old fashion way whether we realize it or not. It makes sense why every guy I’ve dated from the internet never got past a date or a hook-up because even I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Now that I am, online dating just won’t do. The responses I got from a mutual interest are “I have a hot tub all that is missing is you” or even worse “turn around I wanna Tinder you from behind.”

…I want to Tinder you from behind?!

I asked him why would he say such a thing and he apologized and said he was trying a new approach (possibly to get laid) but what was more interesting is that he’s from London and is visiting America. So there you have it. Tinder is the gateway to worldwide access to free sex with willing men and women.

Being on Tinder has been a huge disappointment so far talking to men who don’t show the slightest interest in me. After 3 days of conversation, it just stops. How do you separate a good guy from a jerk? Time.

I honestly believe that the term online dating should be changed to online hookup.

 

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