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4 Ways to Practice Self Love Physically 

Okay so my blog has been about sex and dating, etc. but I’m not going to write about sex if I’m not having any. My inspiration as of late has been self love mentally, emotionally and physically. And today I want to focus on the physical aspect of self love because it is easy to overlook caring for your physical body such as eating healthy, hobbies, talking to friends, when you’re busy. Then we have our sexual being. Maybe for some of you, this is not a problem, you have a sexual partner(s) that  fulfill your needs. Maybe you want to explore a more personal satisfaction. The body is an amazing creation that is actually pretty easy to tap in. Here are some tips for some solo satisfaction no porn needed.

Tantric Massage 

Also known as an erotic massage. It’s the art of the sensual touch for arousal or to bring sexual pleasure. Our skin is the most overlooked and underrated organ of the body. Skin should be apart of our sexual stimulation and exploring that is an exciting thing. The massage involves touching every part of your body including your yoni (vagina). It’s especially important to notice the parts of your body that arouses you the most such as you nipples or your inner thigh. Spend some more time touching and rubbing those spots. Last but not least be sure to breathe full deep breaths while you’re exploring. So Reaching in deep through your nose and out through your mouth, this keeps your body open and your mind focus on your body and the sensations you should be in tune with.

My favorite step by step guide is from Mind Body Green and Devi Ward Tantra. Their methods worked perfect for me while I first started out. Ultimately my goal was to reconnect with myself and not rely on porn to get off! 

Toys

What I love about sex toys are that they’re catered to everybody. But if you’re single like yours truly, toys are a great way to fulfill any fantasy. Im not going to go into detail on toys since I’m saving that for another post but here are the types of toys I love for making orgasms.

  • Clit & G spot vibrator 
  • Wand Vibrator
  • Clitoral Stimulator
  • Love Egg Vibrator
  • Rabbit Vibrator

Erotic Stories 

I had to include a good ole sex story because nothing is better than using your imagination versus watching a porn video. The only reason why I believe this is great because reading allows you to build to the orgasm you want. If you read the mind body green article I linked, the most important part of getting to the best part is to allow yourself to slowly get to the orgasm. Porn is more of a quickie for me but a good story with descriptive writing and a good plot makes me “slowly” horny. Check out Sex Stories and Literotica.


Water Play

My go to when I don’t have time to myself is water play. Water play for those who don’t know is simply using the water for clitoris stimulation. After a long day I like to light a candle make sure my tub in clean and just lay in the tub while the shower is on and you know the rest ;). It’s even better when you have a removable shower head.  The warmth from the water is so relaxing. It’s a perfect scenario for a uninterrupted pleasurable time.

Overall, find time time explore your body and you may just discover something amazing like a mind blowing orgasm. Also, be sure to do your own research as far as techniques and try them out til you find you’re match.

If you have any tips or suggestions feel free to let me know I’m the comments below.

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dating and love, growth, happiness

It’s Complicated

I don’t have the words to explain this

for once in my life I can actually say it’s complicated.

im a fucking estranged wife and single mother and I didn’t think my life would come to this.

But here it is, guess I have something to write about now… well I did but I put that on the back burner for some time now. Abuse will do that to you. Pain will put you through a creative paralysis.

It started when I found out I was pregnant. What was an ill fate turned to a blessing, my whole life has changed for the better. It didn’t happen overnight though.

So I’m bringing my first love, writing, back to life. I hope you enjoy it.

 

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Uncategorized

I’m Pregnant…

I was not in any way prepared for the change that has engulfed my whole life. Jr. and I had a wonderful weekend when we met and that resulted in 13 weeks of drastic decision making, feeling terminally ill and finally regaining my strength. I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum aka severe morning sickness. I had to quit my job, dropped two classes and spent precious time laying on the couch feeling like a true lazy ass piece of shit.
 
My mother knew instantly that I was pregnant but breaking it to her just added to the frustration and pure shock that I was enduring. I’m barely passing the 3 classes I decided to stick it out in and I’m broke with bills that are due in December. The hardest part of the 1st trimester was the mental weakness and torment that I dealt with every second my eyes was open. People around me who knew just didn’t understand what I was going through, not even my mother.
 
Fortunately for her she didn’t have to go through severe morning sickness being pregnant with me. She had no trouble expressing her frustration with me quitting my job while she was working hard at her job everyday. “Just because I’m working at home, doesn’t mean my job is easy. You don’t clean the kitchen; you don’t do anything, you not even at school full time. You really need to snap yourself out of this mental torment you have and force yourself to do something.” Only if it were that easy, I thought. My brain turned mush and my body was too heavy for me to get up. I spent the only energy I had throwing up everything I tried to eat and the only time I felt good was when I slept. It was torture enough to never want to be pregnant again. Jr. living 400 miles away in the military can’t really be supportive so I just counted down the days until I could be myself again.
 
Days turned into weeks and now I’m able to eat more, I have more energy and I’m really happy about my baby growing in my belly! Jr. and I have come a long way in the relationship and I can’t believe that through all the hardships and distance between us I still love him. We’re planning on getting married so we can be together for the little one. Everything is rushed but I want to do what’s best. He wants to do what’s best as well and I’m so proud that he’s willing to step up so unexpectedly.
 

I never thought I would be in this place. But I’m warming up to the idea.
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being in love, black girl blogger, black girls who blog, black love, blog post, dating and relationships, falling in love, finding love blog, love, love blog, new blog post, relationships

The Boyfriend Trial Run (Late Post)

So I met him (lets officially call him Jr) after a month of skyping, texting and talking over the phone. He drove 8 hours to see me and we stayed at a cheap inn down the street from the university in my city. I had to contemplate, whether or not I would stay with a stranger, although I love him nevertheless thats what he is. I met him at Walmart since the lady at the hotel told them (him and his military roommates) they cant get their room 2 in the morning which is ridiculous…driving to meet him 2 in the morning was the scariest thing I probably ever done. I was nervous to the point of no control.

From the moment he knocked on my window I got out of my car to look in his eyes, he reached out and said come here in his warm familiar deep voice. I wrapped my arms around him and shut my eyes tight, clenching my jaw fighting back tears. Moments passed and I felt weak to my knees so I sat back down in my car and he hopped in on the other side. We stared at each other for a moment and his intensity made me pull away. The intensity and fire in his eyes were always evident to me once we starting video chatting. When we had nothing to say we would look at each other and I’d always have to look away because the emotions I felt when I looked at him took over my whole body. Nobody has made me feel like that before. We kissed and fell asleep for a couple hours and I finally talked him into going back to the hotel to see if the rude lady will let them take their rooms.

His roomies went up to their room and I followed my man to ours. We stepped in the room which smelled of cigarette smoke. Too tired to complain, I dropped my things on the table and walked over to the king size bed with him. We pulled back off the first layer of bedding and snuggled under the fleece blanket. I could see a piece of the sky getting lighter through the window curtains and checked the time realizing it was almost 5 am. I looked at him and he gave me the warmest eyes that could’ve lit my body on fire. He grabbed my body up against his and we kissed one passionate kiss which of course led to us making love. It wasn’t a quickie either, we made love until the sun bursted through the thick curtains and lit up our bodies. His yellow skin against my chocolate complexion glowed from the outside in by the sun; it was magical, I was in a dream state. We talked some more and knocked out til about 2 in the afternoon. We decided to head out for some food and enjoy each others company. I realized I’m not too good with couple outings and his slightest action of affection made me uncomfortable. I know he noticed my reaction to his hand rubbing my lower back and he distanced his body just a tad. Which I knew then that that would be an issue we’d face. The next night was when the issue surfaced and the warmth and light that remained in my soul from our unity dimmed.

He told me he wasnt sure about us anymore that when we went out for the day and he would talk to me I would respond in a rude matter or I would act like he’s irritating me. I know I’m not the friendliest person, I’ve done great by putting up walls and not being open and warm. I’m real about that shit; I’m one scared ass bitch when it comes to social situations and relationships. But there he was giving me honesty in Buca De Peppo when we finished our meal. Seeing him this cold on me made me feel like it was over.  I choked on my heart and had to rush to the bathroom to keep myself from bawling out tears. To compose my emotions I stared at myself in the mirror and didnt see pretty, I thought to myself that maybe just maybe he got what he wanted and his views of me that were once of beauty changed. I walked back to the table paid the check and made our way back to the hotel. On the freeway I was struggling to fight more tears and I lost that battle venting to him. In this moment I realized that what he addressed to me back at the restaurant, I’ve dealt with this before. That it’s always my fault for a relationship not working out. Which leaves me in the crazy downward spiral trying to “fix” myself so that it’ll be better. As if the way I am isn’t good enough.

I could tell he’s already not satisfied with my body shape and the fact that I wear wigs or that I say “what?” every time he looks at me without saying anything. He tried to say I’m rude, that the girls in Georgia are friendlier than people from Cali. “Maybe you should get a southern girl to be with then.” I could tell he hated those words coming out my mouth…I really want to stand firm so he doesn’t think that I’m just going to beat myself over it, although it hurts beyond emotionally. It’s so crazy that the little things that I’ve noticed about what he does, I saved them for myself because I believe that nothing is going to be perfect and that I’d rather make the positives stronger than give the little negatives any power. Once we got to the hotel we talked some more, then I realized that he’s a pretty calculated individual who is quick to call someone out on little things but will turn around and be a hypocrite. My heart eased out of my throat and now its just resting. I love him but I don’t know if the intensity that I once loved about him is the same intensity that I got to experience now. Granted he has traits that I love, and his commitment to me is real, I just want to know what else there is so I can truly love every aspect of him good or bad. I never had anyone make me so overly emotional, I mean this man made me cry happy and sad tears, I cried multiple times realizing that out mini vacation was almost over, I love him but the feeling is gone. The lust/crush feeling is gone and I want to see if we will remain strong with our distance past the first phase. Can we stay in love?

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black love, dating and love, dating and relationships, falling in love, finding love blog, love blog, online dating

I found love on POF (late post)

 

POF, which is plenty of fish for those who aren’t on the online dating craze, is one interesting ass website, I mean I’ve seen all types of people on there from men in prison to “pastors” looking for their first lady. I never thought I’d find the love of my life, and the sad part is that I haven’t even met him yet. I don’t love openly and I’m very hardened based on my judgments of men. I guess you can say I’m a sexist; every man in my life and my friend’s and family’s lives have done nothing but hurt. Growing up seeing not one single positive image of a man, I personally feel no remorse for the way I feel. So on my profile I make it very clear what I want which came out to be 3 long paragraphs but it’s really helped to weave out the fuck boys. I think I found the one and its about to get real corny… There he was virtually, in my message box with his attractive ass. He looked so masculine and not in a look at me I got muscles. It was his eyes, light brown and full of real man qualities. I seen it all with him, and from that point on nobody else on POF mattered. I didn’t know what I was feeling and tried to make sense of it while we messaged back n forth. I kept going to his profile page to look for an answer as to why I was so drawn to him. But there was nothing that he wrote that stood out to me and he only had two pics, his profile and a pic of him in a military uniform.

I saw his location was in southern california and since I’m in northern california I was bummed thinking nothing will become of us but he continued to talk to me. I’m thinking to myself, okay there must be nobody in his area because I’m 8 hours away. After a couple of days he asked for my number and of course I say no just to see his reaction and he was okay with it and we continued the conversation. He just seem so cool about it and they fact that he continued to want to get to know me was enough for me to get his number to text him. From the day I gave him my number I felt even more confused about the way I feel to the point where I was so lost in my thoughts I’d almost forget I was in the shower, or even at work. I remember telling my girl how intense its getting and so quickly, I didnt understand the feelings I felt at all. I’ve never talked to someone who’ve I had strong feelings for like this, so I was feeling a little overwhelmed.

Then we skyped one night and I looked in his eyes and I felt this gravitational pull on my insides and my whole body so strong I had to pull away and I was afraid to give him eye contact the rest of the night. It was our chemistry. We made each other laugh and my attraction to him made my heart and my vagina thump but doubt kept coming through like a dark cloud raining on my whole damn life. Doubt is an amazing thing, or even lack of confidence. The fact that this guy, who is in the military with other females and stationed in sunny southern california where the girls are fine as hell, wants to talk to me and give me all his time, I can still search in the dark corners of my mind for the negative shit to bring me down and even mess up a possibility of a relationship with this amazing man. I’ve only talked to this man for a month and the words he says to me are everything I’ve wanted to hear and he backs it up with humility, which is a rare quality.

One night we were on skype and we had this real dramatic and overly romantic almost movie like conversation which resulted us in ending with I love you. I never loved anyone in the beginning of a relationship, ever. I always grown to love and for that it never really worked out. So when it came down to it, I felt the emotion burning inside my chest but I couldn’t say it at first. I wanted to say it the first week I talked to him over the phone. He said it first and explained why he loved me which made me collapse on my bed 10 million times. I never knew that love can love can literally make you weak. My heart melted as he told me he knew when he seen my eyes and being able to tell him I felt the same was the most amazing feeling I’ve had in a while. I felt as if the way I felt from that day wasn’t fake or ridiculous, that corny ass love at first sight was real for me even over the internet. I wanted to say I love you but I couldn’t, I could say that I liked him with ease or I’m into him but the word love was a hard thing to crack. The reassuring thing was that he understood. He understood why I was stuck and he assured me that he would do anything it takes to prove to me that I could trust him and that he wouldn’t hurt me and I believed him. His tone was eager yet warm and it made me cry. After all this time I finally got to experience what love should be. I’ve never even witnessed dedication from a man, someone who is willing to do what it takes to have me. Once the tears ran out I told him I loved him and the weight and confusion lifted off of my body and soul. Hearing him say I love you sends shockwaves of pleasure through my body; seeing his smile makes my body melt to the ground. I told him how amazing he is and he even turned that down. His humility is rare, I see him being an amazing father. He’s ready to get married and have kids, but I’m no dummy. He is not my boyfriend until I meet him which will be on the 3rd of next month. I want to be able to feel him and really see him in front of me because I’m all about body language and vibes but he’s definitely the guy I’d want to be with in the future.

-(I’ve been MIA trying to figure out the direction of this blog and I realized I’m way more comfortable writing about my journey to find love, although this is a blog where i’ll write or post whatever I want; I’m sticking to what I’m most compelled by)

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poems, poetry

Rose colored glasses

 

Separate her body from reality 

In this dimly lit room
She’ll drink your wine 
And let her mind die
While her heart swells inside
You could do no harm 
Through these rose colored glasses 
Your warm hues intice her like pheromones 
You’re magic through smoke screens
surreal like a dream 
A mere pixilation of the perfect fantasy 
She said you could do no harm 
Like a mantra in her head 
You could do no harm 
You could do no har
You could do no ha
You could do no h
You could do no
You could do n 
You could do…
5 years it took 
Enough to shatter them rose colored glasses 
will take a life time to fix
Like a 50 year old fiend
Weakened by the memory of…
 
JADE. 
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