I was not in any way prepared for the change that has engulfed my whole life. Jr. and I had a wonderful weekend when we met and that resulted in 13 weeks of drastic decision making, feeling terminally ill and finally regaining my strength. I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum aka severe morning sickness. I had to quit my job, dropped two classes and spent precious time laying on the couch feeling like a true lazy ass piece of shit.
My mother knew instantly that I was pregnant but breaking it to her just added to the frustration and pure shock that I was enduring. I’m barely passing the 3 classes I decided to stick it out in and I’m broke with bills that are due in December. The hardest part of the 1st trimester was the mental weakness and torment that I dealt with every second my eyes was open. People around me who knew just didn’t understand what I was going through, not even my mother.
Fortunately for her she didn’t have to go through severe morning sickness being pregnant with me. She had no trouble expressing her frustration with me quitting my job while she was working hard at her job everyday. “Just because I’m working at home, doesn’t mean my job is easy. You don’t clean the kitchen; you don’t do anything, you not even at school full time. You really need to snap yourself out of this mental torment you have and force yourself to do something.” Only if it were that easy, I thought. My brain turned mush and my body was too heavy for me to get up. I spent the only energy I had throwing up everything I tried to eat and the only time I felt good was when I slept. It was torture enough to never want to be pregnant again. Jr. living 400 miles away in the military can’t really be supportive so I just counted down the days until I could be myself again.
Days turned into weeks and now I’m able to eat more, I have more energy and I’m really happy about my baby growing in my belly! Jr. and I have come a long way in the relationship and I can’t believe that through all the hardships and distance between us I still love him. We’re planning on getting married so we can be together for the little one. Everything is rushed but I want to do what’s best. He wants to do what’s best as well and I’m so proud that he’s willing to step up so unexpectedly.
I never thought I would be in this place. But I’m warming up to the idea.