Love on Yourself Until…

I never thought I’d masturbate this often and watch porn. 

Them damn detached yet highly skill full people that are surprisingly arousing yet disappointing as I look back comparing the guys I had sex with to MANDINGO. Then I realize the damage Mandingo is doing to that poor girls vagina wondering if she’s gonna take a hiatus or a medical leave for a couple months for Mother Nature to snatch it back up. I tend to think of things like that when I watch, I’m always humanizing somebody or something. I still watch it though, there is no guy in my life that I can imagine without getting turned off but I digress…

What is often anyways because I do it once every other night. It’s better than any sleep medicine but is surely not the cure for my single blues.
I love me and I’ll never compromise for anything short of what I deserve from a guy especially now more than ever (just turned 23, sept 10th *throws confetti in the air*) but I’ve come to terms that my longing for being taken right now in my life is justified. I have one friend, I have no social life and I live in a pretty slow town where we can’t help but to link up with someone. Where as when I was single in NYC, it was so empowering. I would feel so hidden and free to go out and create my own personal adventures away from the people I knew, wanting to do things by myself. If only I can take that energy and bring it here, but I live with my lovely mother near lands with farms and track homes…
I’m so moody and depressing I’m irritating myself by basking in it. I really need to gain some clarity and strength before fall begins so I can at least make it through the winter months.
This should be the best thing that is happening to me but for some reason I’m feeling broken and lonely. One thing I learned is that single really has it’s ups and downs and I’ll probably be up next week.
Excuse me while I go masturbate my sadness away.

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