dating and love, dating and relationships, love, the dating diary

Escaping the Friend Zone, Is There Even One?

How does a girl escape the friend zone? I’ve been trying to refrain myself from google’ing everything that has to deal with relationships and instead going back to the best source, my common sense. But still I’m left with that question floating in my mind. Another day has passed with regret that D might have some sort of pull on me. I analyzed it all. He can really get me to do anything he wants, all he has to do is be kind to me, even when I give him a reason not to be.
 
He’s done it before. I’d get mad because he wouldn’t call or text, then when I confront him, he’ll apologize and say he needs to work on it; that I don’t deserve it. Then all the malicious thoughts I seemed to conjure up disappear as the rush of warm feelings came flowing right back. Sometimes I feel like the rush is love but I always deny that sentiment. He’s a different breed of men I’ve never dated.
 
We’ve been hooking up on multiple occasions and I don’t know how to turn the off switch. He’s so sweet and affectionate; everything that I really missed out on in the past, but I wonder if I’m confusing affection with actual interest and love. I never really believed that someone would pull that good of a poker face until D. For someone who doesn’t mind expressing his interest in me in public but at the same time doesn’t want to be transparent on how he feels about me is the most mind wrecking thing in my dating history. I’m able to look at someone’s eyes and tell but his eyes gives off a sincerity that I’m so in denial in I want to hand him an Emmy.
 
I wonder if he’s fucking insane, or just really ahead of the game.  That if I get a rise out of him that would make him human, or normal. Maybe I’m the insane one. I tend to live through my past relationships; assuming that he’ll use me because he’s gay and that he needs something to prove. Or in time he might hurt me physically, emotionally, or maybe he’s just another guy manipulating his way into my vagina, like it’s a game, one he enjoys playing just because.  It freaks me out to not know his weaknesses yet. That if we’re still going somewhere, wherever it is, I will sleep with one eye open because truth is I don’t trust men. I’m just not ready for them. So I’m hanging up the search for good to focus on myself, truly.
 
So how do you escape the friend zone? Truth is there is no answer, no zone, no series of articles or steps any website or friend can give me. It’s either you’re meant to be friends or not and only time will tell. I have let go of trying to control my love life and let everything fall and flow, as they will be. 
 
JADE. 
 
Advertisements
Standard

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s