Brain On Relationships, friendship, inspiration, life, love, people, personal, relationships

The Danger in Sleeping With a Friend

There’s truth to this
unwritten rulethat I didn’t follow in Spring of 2011.

When I was in school I met this guy coincidentally at the school’s cafe one day with my friend Bri. All the tables were taken and we saw two chairs open next to these two guys playing cards. Once I asked them if the seats were taken, one of the guys looked up at us with a stank face and his friend smiled and said that we can sit down. So we sat down unfazed by the guy’s attitude and we ate our lunch, having small talk and out of nowhere the nice guy puts a deck of cards in our face and said pick a card. So we chose one card and put it back in the deck and with all the fancy card trickery he got the right card. Bri and I were impressed but we really were focused on other things and he noticed, so he didn’t give up. For the next 15 minuets, he showed us all these other tricks with coins, and other little objects; he really put on a magical show. His nickname was Surprize. I knew what he was up to but I liked that he did magic tricks to break the ice, and he seemed like a nice guy. My friend was very interested in getting to know him, so she got his number and they talked for about a month. Then one day I started talking to him and til this day I don’t know how. I was still in love with my ex Leon but it was nice to have so much in common with someone although it was evident to me that I had no feelings for him.

We started hanging out at his place in the day time watching movies and eating his mom’s left over spaghetti. We started talking about sex and I told him about how inexperienced I was being that Leon was my first. He figured he could show me how to perform oral by sucking his dick and little naive me I did it for about a week. After he would ask me and I would say no being really upset that he mind fucked me into that, but I forgave him. When we kissed for the first time I was so disgusted, it was too much saliva and he simply just didn’t know how to kiss. I continued to kiss him anyway regardless of how I felt and one day we had sex. It didn’t last long the first time because I end up being on my period and the second time as well because he hid me in his closet when his brother came home unannounced.Everything about being sexual with him was such a turn off. In the time I got over Leon, I never touched Surprize again. I could never understand why I could never like him because he was a great guy and he was always in my corner. But when I would come over to watch tv he wanted to make out and I just couldn’t do it.

Soon enough I made sure I was never alone with him. He didn’t understand why I never came over and I remember telling that I just wanted to be friends, strictly. I told him how I don’t date shorter guys because I’m really insecure about my height basically making excuses unsure of what to say. I never really took in account of his feelings because I thought that since he was a guy he can move on to someone else. I dated other guys knowing that he had feelings for me and hoping that he would get over it. He watched me get hurt over and over again with these guys I chose and I always thought that since he was just a friend that he would always be there for me no matter what. I was so wrong.

When I went away for two years I distanced myself from the people I knew back home.

Flash forward today, I’ve been back for almost a year and I really had to face somethings and make wise decisions especially in regards to the people I hang out with (I was a bad girl). I only have one friend now, a girl that I known since 7th grade. I really thought Surprize and I would be friends as well. For the past couple months, having a conversation with him was like talking to a brick wall. It was so irritating I asked him why he couldn’t open up to me. It was hard for him to confess but with diligence I got him to. He was hurt. He expressed how he didn’t understand why I didn’t tell him I was here (it took me a while to really tell anybody that I was back, only a handful of people really know til this day). I tried to get him to understand my place when it comes to only focusing on myself and he just couldn’t see that, as if I owe him for the drama I dealt with. Then it all came full circle.

He confessed that he lost his virginity to me. My jaw dropped, laughing at the weird turn the conversation went. I honestly had no idea that it was that deep, because every one knew he liked me, even my mother but I had no idea it was love and it really brought a sense of closure to the whole situation and I thought that our friendship could grow because of it, wrong! I’ve had to hang up on him on several conversations because I really learned not to take shit from people. The other day everything was okay; still kind of weird but doable.We were talking about a particular topic and he said me and my girlfriend…I was livid.

Come to find out it was this same girl he claim he was dating for 3 years, the same girl I’ve never seen in person, the same girl I asked about last year then for him to tell me they weren’t together and the same girl he never brings up. I tried to explain to him how he acts like he’s single, he then implied that I need to stop thinking I flirt with him. Honestly what does that have to do with me? I wanted him to understand that it is not about what you do, it’s about what you don’t do which is that you never talk about her. Instead of owning up to his actions, he went into detail about how he’s not like other people, especially me, when people are in a bad relationship all they do is talk about negative stuff. I wasn’t having it, I cut him off saying if he was going to make it about what I did, I will hang up on him. Every time when it is about him he starts to point out my faults, and the sad part is that he is a smart guy. He knows that I’m trying to move forward and better myself but I came to realize he’s now toxic and I can’t be friends with him anymore. Now he’s just another person on the list of many that I can’t talk to now that I back. The
unwritten ruleand the moral of this story is don’t sleep with your friend because the outcome may be that only one of you will fall in love. Now every time I think of him, I think about what happened and how I wish it could have been different.

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